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Dear Teresa,
As October approaches, with its crisp air and early hints of celebration, it can bring both a sense of reflection and heaviness for those of us who’ve experienced loss. For many grieving mothers, this season might stir emotions of bittersweet memories and reminders of anniversaries or milestones that once held different meaning.
In this newsletter, I want to offer some gentle suggestions for daily practices that can support your healing journey, as well as helpful tips on navigating relationships during these tender moments. And I’d like to share a personal story about my own experience of loss, as it’s a reminder that you are not alone on this path.
A Personal Story: Navigating October’s Milestones
As some of you may know, my own grief journey began many years ago on Halloween when my mom gave birth to my stillborn brother, Charlie. While it’s been decades since his passing, working in the grief support field for the past 20 years has deepened my own healing. When we experience the profound loss of a loved one, it changes us forever, shaping who we are in ways we can’t always understand in the moment. This is what my family experienced—we were forever changed. Like many of you, I grew up in a grieving home.
As I’ve grown older and studied grief, I’ve come to understand the subtle ways it reshaped my family. I’ve gained a deeper appreciation for how my mom navigated that loss. Every Halloween, she made sure my twelve siblings and I dressed up for the holiday, and she did the same. In fact, she often won costume contests, bringing an infectious joy to that day.
Looking back, I now realize she wasn’t just celebrating Halloween—she was honoring Charlie’s birthday. Through dressing up and creating moments of fun, she allowed joy and grief to coexist, teaching all of us that it’s possible to hold space for both.
Since my mom’s passing two years ago, I’ve chosen to continue this tradition. Each Halloween, I celebrate Charlie’s birthday in my own way. It’s a small act of remembrance that brings peace and connection to both my brother and my mom.
If you’ve lost a child and find Halloween to be a day filled with sadness, my heart is with you. Whether it becomes a day of quiet reflection or a celebration of remembrance, give yourself permission to feel whatever you need to feel. Honor your child in your own way, and know that you don’t have to walk this path alone—lean on those who support you.
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Small Daily Practices for Grief Healing
Grief is complex, and healing doesn’t happen all at once. Often, it’s in the small, intentional moments that we can begin to rebuild a sense of peace and stability. Here are a few simple daily practices that I share with my clients that you can incorporate into your routine to nurture yourself during difficult times:
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Mindful Breathing
Begin or end your day with 5-10 minutes of deep, mindful breathing. Breathe in through your nose for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale for four. This practice calms your nervous system and grounds you in the present moment.
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Gratitude Practice
Each morning or evening, write down three things you're grateful for, no matter how small. This could be as simple as the warmth of your tea or a comforting conversation with a friend. Focusing on small, positive moments can gradually shift your focus from pain to moments of light.
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Gentle Movement
Engage in gentle movement, whether it's a short walk, stretching, or yoga. Moving your body can help release pent-up emotions and bring a sense of relief. Movement is a way to honor your grief while also reconnecting with your body.
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Journaling
Set aside a few minutes to write down your thoughts and feelings. You don’t need to filter or worry about what comes out—this is your safe space. Write what’s on your heart, without judgment.
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Self-Compassion Mantra
Incorporate a self-compassion mantra into your daily routine. A simple phrase like "I am allowed to feel what I feel," or "I am gentle with myself during this time," can remind you that your grief is valid and worthy of compassion.
Upcoming Event:
In-person Women's Grief Retreat
November 22-24, 2024
Give yourself permission to step away from everyday life to explore and understand your loss, connect with others, and allow space for self-inquiry, spiritual growth, and lasting healing.
Retreat Information
Navigating Relationships During Grief
Grief, especially as we begin to enter the holiday season, can impact relationships in profound ways. Others may not always understand the depth of your feelings, and even well-meaning friends or family members might unintentionally cause hurt. Here are some ways to navigate these relationships while honoring your emotional needs:
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Communicate Your Needs
It's okay to let people know what you need. If you’re feeling fragile as a milestone date or holidays approach, it’s helpful to gently communicate this to those around you. It’s perfectly acceptable to ask for space or, conversely, for support.
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Set Boundaries
Boundaries are crucial. You don’t need to attend every event or meet every expectation, especially if it feels overwhelming. Honor your capacity and trust that saying "no" is an act of self-care, not selfishness.
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Acknowledge Their Support
Often, loved ones simply don’t know how to offer support. Acknowledge those who have been there for you, even in small ways. A simple thank you or expression of gratitude can strengthen your bonds and help them better understand how to support you.
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Create Rituals to Honor Your Grief
If you're facing a milestone anniversary this October, consider creating a ritual to honor your loss. Lighting a candle, writing a letter to your loved one, or taking time for reflection can help you reclaim control of the day in a meaningful way.
As the seasons change, so do the cycles of our grief. October can be a time of reflection, and it can also be a time to gently move forward, one small step at a time. Incorporating small daily practices can make a world of difference in how you feel over time, and nurturing your relationships—especially during milestones—can bring healing and connection.
Hope and Healing,
Teresa Reiniger
Grief Resilience Specialist with Living After Grief
“My mission is to work with compassionate grieving women to navigate their path of grief, fostering resilience and finding clarity and understanding in their journey. My role as a Grief Resilience Specialist is to support them in reclaiming their freedom to live fully and to cultivate a deeper sense of trust in themselves as they move through the healing process."
When you are ready, here are a few more ways I can empower you on your grief journey:
- You can check out my podcast: Resilient Moms: Hope, Healing & Living After Loss. Resilient Moms Podcast is for women who have experienced trauma & grief from an infertility journey or loss of a child during pregnancy or childhood. We explore the complex emotions that come with loss & we focus on hope, healing & finding joy amidst the pain. This is the right place; if you are a grieving mom, a family member or someone seeking to understand and support those who have experienced loss.
Podcast Click Here:
Book a Hope Exploration Session:
During this session we will:
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Assess Where You Are Currently: Understand where you are right now and identify the emotional triggers that are holding you.
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Clarify Your Desires and Vision: Clarity and Understanding to live your life fully while honoring your loved one.
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Explore Collaboration: If I'm confident that I can help you, I’ll share how we can work together to achieve your goals.
Sound good? Click the link to schedule a time to talk.
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